


Thinking Out Loud

by JehBeeEh



Series: Ahead by a Century [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Confused Steve Rogers, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Ice Cream cures all, M/M, Minor Angst, Mostly Fluff, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, like tiny bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 12:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21036518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehBeeEh/pseuds/JehBeeEh
Summary: “Want to tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?” Tony tried to sound as casual as he could, with just a hint of playfulness thrown in for good measure.Steve sighed. “Wish I could,” he mumbled.Tony waited a bit before trying again. “Is it because you can't or because you don't want to?”





	Thinking Out Loud

**Author's Note:**

> Not as fluffy as the other ones, but still plenty of sweetness. 
> 
> And, happy thanksgiving long weekend to my fellow Canucks. :)
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Hi! Can I get a grande Americano, and an oat fudge bar, please?” Steve smiled broadly at the barista at the Starbucks by his office. It was finally Friday, and he couldn't wait to head home. The morning was crawling along at a snail’s pace, of course. Wasn’t that always the case when you had something to look forward to? And that something, or some_one_ rather, had been texting him all morning, making it even more unbearable. He picked up his phone and re-read the last text he had gotten: _‘I can't wait to have you all to myself, all weekend.’ _His stomach swooped at the thought, a ball of warm and fuzzy feelings just wanting to burst when he thought of Tony. Yep, he had become completely infatuated with the brunette, and he didn't care how sappy it made him.

He heard the barista call out is order and reached for his drink at the same time as another hand did. Steve turned and apologized, seeing whom the other hand belonged to then. He was an attractive man, around Steve's age, with the most piercing blue eyes Steve had ever seen. His face looked kind, his soft features pulling Steve's interest in. He was definitely someone the blond would be interested in if his mind wasn’t completely overtaken by a famous brunette.

“I am so sorry; I wasn't paying attention and… gotta love technology for distractions!” the other man waved his phone up with a sheepish smile. “You're Steve, right?”

“Yes..? I’m sorry, I'm horrible with faces, have we met before?” Steve asked, confused and very sure he would have remembered this man before.

“We haven't officially met. Brad,” the man extended his hand to him. “I'm on the marketing team, at work.”

“Oh. Nice to meet you!” Steve shook his hand.

The second Americano was put in the counter then, and the men exited the coffee shop together.

“I feel I owe you an apology for the clusterfuck that was Tuesday,” Brad finally said. “I am partially responsible for that advertising having to be pulled. Sorry about the extra work.”

“Oh gosh, don't worry about it! Shit happens,” Steve smiled at him. They had almost made it back to the building, which Steve was kind of grateful for – he was horrible at small talk.

“Look, I know this might seem really out of the blue but, I’d love to buy you a coffee sometime? Feels like the least I can do to make up for Tuesday… and for trying to steal your coffee today.” Steve didn’t realize they'd stopped walking, and he wasn’t sure when Brad's hand had landed on his wrist. And damn were those blue eyes ever distracting.

“Um… wow, that's… um…” Steve was just babbling.

“One of the girls on your team mentioned you were single. And she was right about how handsome you are too, by the way. Sorry if that was really forward, I just knew if I didn't ask now, I might chicken out.”

“I, um… I'm kind of seeing someone right now,” was all Steve managed to blurt out, his brain going a mile a minute.

“Kind of..? You don't sound sure.”

“It's still really new. It's complicated…”_ but was it though?_

“Ok. Well, if it gets uncomplicated, gimme a shout?” Brad handed Steve his business card, with his phone number on the back. He smiled at him and turned towards the building.

Steve just stood there, starring at the phone number for what felt like an eternity. He finally willed his body to move and get back to his desk. He felt in a haze, his brain completely fogged up and confused. He wasn't even quite sure why. Guys had given him their phone number before, this wasn’t new. It had even happened while he was dating, but he had never reacted this way. He truly had no idea what had just happened.

“Hey! Heard you ran into Brad… cute right?” Steve looked up to see his co-worker Karen looking at him expectantly.

“I was wondering who he was talking about… he's really handsome, yes.” Steve answered, trying not to let too much of his current emotions show.

“He mentioned you're seeing someone? You never said anything about that. Explains the perma-grin you’ve had the last 3 weeks though.”

“It's still really early, and I don't really know where it's going, so I didn’t mention it. That’s all,” he smiled sheepishly, knowing that was not why he hadn't told Karen.

“Sure Steve… well, for what it’s worth, Brad didn’t seem put off, so if it falls through, give him a call.” Thankfully she walked away then, leaving Steve to his thoughts.

He had 2 hours of work left and he spent most of them just looking blankly at his computer screen, too lost in his own head to be able to concentrate. Why had this gotten to him so bad? How had he gone from fuzzy butterflies to having a pit in his stomach? He replayed everything in his mind a million times, trying to see what could have possibly triggered it, and nothing obvious came to mind.

He made his way home, still without an answer. He went for a run – running usually cleared his head and helped him think – but it did nothing. He saw a few missed texts from Tony when he came back, and what should have filled him with anticipation made him more anxious than he already was. He sent a quick reply telling Tony something came up, and he wouldn't be able to see him tonight, but he'd call him in the morning. Within seconds his phone rang. Steve just ignored it and jumped in the shower.

* * *

It was dinner time, and Steve was grumpier than ever. He couldn’t make sense of anything going on in his head, which was infuriating him more than ever. He had even tried talking to Natasha, see if that would cheer him up at the very least, but it hadn’t helped. He was leaning over the counter in the kitchen, about halfway through a pint of Ben & Jerry's when he heard a knock on the door. He shuffled over to the entrance, spoon still in his mouth, as he answered. He found Tony leaning against the door frame.

“I'm not sure what happened, and I kinda don’t care right now, but I needed to make sure you were ok,” the brunette said quietly when Steve didn’t slam the door in his face. Steve just stood there, saying nothing, still holding the spoon in his mouth. “Clearly you’re eating, so that's good. I stopped and grabbed some food just in case though.” Tony lifted a paper bag, as if to help prove his point. “If you really don't want to see me, I can leave this here and go. Just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

They just looked at each other for a few seconds. The blond looked like a kicked puppy, and Tony hated seeing him that way and not knowing why. Steve finally turned and walked back towards the kitchen, leaving the door open. Tony took it to mean he didn’t have to leave, so he waved Happy off, and slowly made his way in. He put the bag on the kitchen island, settling himself opposite where Steve was standing, back to eating his ice cream.

“Half-Baked is my fave,” Tony said after a few minutes of silence.

“I got another pint if you want some. This one's almost empty,” Steve didn’t look up as he spoke, his voice uncharacteristically small.

“No, I’m good. Haven’t had ice cream for dinner in a while, come to think of it.”

“ ‘s got enough food groups in there, can't be so bad.”

“Never said it was bad.”

They sat in silence a few more minutes, Tony unable to keep his eyes off Steve. He'd never seen him look so defeated and sad. Not that they'd spent that much time together over the past three weeks, but you’d think seeing someone have an anxiety attack would be one of the worse looks they could have. This was worse. Tony had been able to help when Steve had panicked on the plane. He was able to talk him through the motions, comfort him even. This, Tony had no idea what to do. Had no idea what was causing it either.

Tony got up and went around to the drawer he knew contained utensils and got what he needed. He went back to his seat and pulled out the containers from the bag he'd brought. He slid one towards Steve, just enough to signal it was his if he wanted it. He put a fork on top of the container, and then proceeded to open his own – a simple looking pasta dish that smelled of garlic and herbs. He started eating quietly, still looking over the blond. His brow was furrowed like he was trying to solve a great puzzle. His eyes weren't their usual bright blue, but seemed darker and clouded, missing their youthful spark that made them shine. His jaw was tight, his shoulders slumped, but obviously carrying more tension than ever. This was nothing like Tony had expected – not that he was truly sure what he had expected. He smiled a bit when he saw the blond reach for the pasta. If nothing else, he had gotten some form of food in him, that was a start.

After Steve had taken a few bites, Tony decided to try his luck at getting the blond to talk. “Want to tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?” trying to sound as casual as he could, with just a hint of playfulness thrown in for good measure.

Steve sighed. “Wish I could,” he mumbled.

Tony waited a bit before trying again. “Is it because you can't or because you don't want to?”

“I can't… I don't even know what's going on in there.” Steve still wasn’t looking at Tony, his voice was so small. Tony just wanted to jump over the island and hug him and fix whatever was hurting him.

“I know that feeling well. We can talk it out if you want. I’m sure between the two of us we can figure this out…” Tony took a deep breath. “I can't stand seeing you like this, Steve. I just want to help.”

Steve finally looked up, his expression mostly unchanged, but a hint of a smile was visible, even if it didn’t change how sad he looked, Tony took it as a small victory.

“I don't… I have no idea where to start.”

“How about you tell me what happened after your last message this morning? You said you were on your way to get a coffee, and you couldn't wait to see me. Then I didn’t hear from you for hours.”

Steve straightened up, curling his hands on the edge of the counter, leaning into his arms. “I ran into this guy from work, and he asked me out.” His voice was quiet, and he had said the words slowly, like he was weighing each one carefully. He looked at Tony again, who was desperately trying not to let any emotion peek through.

“Ok,” he finally answered when Steve didn’t give him anything else to work with. He tried to keep his voice neutral, stay calm, but he was nothing but calm on the inside. This could mean so many things, and Tony being who he was, well, his mind wandered to the worse possible outcome. But that didn’t mean he couldn't try to be a reasonable adult, right? “How did that make you feel?” That was a solid question. Pepper had used it on him before, it had to be the right thing to ask, right?

“That's when my brain blue screened, actually. I don't really know how I feel about it… it was nice in a way, it’s always flattering, ya know? But it made me shut down.”

“Do you… do you want to go out with him?”

“Yes. No. This isn't making any sense… fuck my head is a mess!”

“Just walk me through it. It's ok if it doesn't make sense, talk it out. Steve, I won't be upset ok? Just talk to me.”

Steve grabbed a glass of water, realizing he was parched. He brought a second glass over for Tony and leaned forward, his forearms resting against the cool countertop, hands clasped together. He took a deep breath before finally trying to explain what he'd been thinking all day.

“When he asked me out, I told him I was kinda seeing someone. I realized it had never actually come up with anyone, not even my friends. We're just dating, right. Right? They’ve never questioned it, and I had no reason to think about it much really. And then Brad - that's the guy's name – asked me and I blurted out that it was complicated. But, is it? We haven’t actually talked about it. This. Whatever this is. And it didn’t matter cause there was no one else, at least not for me. But now there’s maybe Brad, and it got me wondering about this.” Steve put his head in his hands then, rubbing at his eyes. He straightened up and leaned on the counter behind him and crossed his arms.

“I like you. A lot. Like, a LOT. At first I thought it was just cause I had a crush on you since forever, and the more I got to know you, even though we barely spent any time together… the more we talk, the more I fall for you, and the more I want to find out about you. The real you, Tony, not just what people know from interviews and press conferences, but you. I want to hear how your day’s been, and what DUM-E destroyed in your lab. And I don't care that you’re Tony Stark, I don't. But I know it might be why this happened today, and why all of a sudden, I’m second guessing everything that’s happened the last three weeks, and why I’m getting in my own head.

“I didn’t tell you, but when I told my friends what happened on the plane, Bucky implied the only reason you’d asked me out was because you knew I had a crush on you and well, that I wanted to sleep with you,” Steve chuckled at the memory, his arms falling to his sides now. “Don't be mad at him, he was just looking out for me in his weird way. But it did get in my head. I think it was part of why I was so damned nervous that night. I wanted to kiss you so bad that whole time at dinner. I was worried you’d think that’s al I was after though. That was the easiest date I’ve ever had. Talking to you is so easy. I’ve never told anyone about my mom on a first date, you know. Heck, I've only told one other person about that, outside of my friends. Everything feels so easy with you.

“I guess usually, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on, right? Either you just hook up with someone, or you’re dating and hoping you found the one. And, I always have a plan. For everything. I’m that guy that has a plan and that over thinks it to death, so I know all the outcomes, I’ve anticipated them all and I’m ready for it. I just know… You keep asking why I’m single? I think this might be it. I scare people off cause I’m so… I don’t even know what to call it. It does tend to freak people out a bit when I get like this, and over analyze everything. But with you, I have no clue what’s going on. And I really didn’t care. Or I didn’t think I cared. And then there was curve ball I wasn’t ready for, and it threw me for a loop. And I think I care more than I let myself believe. But I don't want to scare you off, because I don't know what I'm going to do…” Steve trailed off, feeling the sting behind his eyes as that last realization had come crashing down on him. He didn’t think he could say anything else at this point, having exhausted all the words that had been jumbled in his head all day. And Tony, sweet Tony, had just sat there and taken it all in, never interrupting him, just listening.

They both looked at each other a moment, digesting what had just been said. Tony reached for the third container he'd pulled from the bag. He opened it, set in in the middle of the island, between him and Steve, and offered a spoon to the blond. Steve moved forward and grabbed the spoon, and saw 2 pieces of tiramisu cake. He smiled at the brunette and took a bite. Tony took a bite himself before talking.

“I like you a whole lot too, Steve. And, the only thing seeing you like this makes me want to do, is give you the biggest hug and try to fix it. Whether that meant sitting here and having you tell me you liked Brad more, or me having to go punch Brad for hurting you, I would have done it. I just didn’t want to see you… see that look on your face anymore. Based on what you just said though, I think I can fix this way more easily than I thought.

“First off, Bucky is like, 95% wrong. Finding out you had a crush on me did make it way easier to ask you out, but I didn’t just do it to get in your pants – although I do want to do that, so so much. It was never about a one-night stand with you though, and I never once got the feeling that it was for you either. After people play you long enough, you kinda develop a sixth sense for those things. I never once felt like you were after me for the wrong reasons. You were fascinating to me, and I just wanted to talk to you, and then I find out I’m your type? It was better than Christmas morning!

“I don’t know how this is going to end up, I really don't, but right now, I can say this doesn’t feel like it's just a passing thing. I really like you. And I want to keep doing whatever this is, if you’ll let me? I don’t know if we can define it just yet? Maybe it is still early for that, but I can guarantee you, I am not dating anyone else, nor do I have the intention to. And I’d really like it if you didn’t go on a date with Brad,” Tony bit his lip as he saw Steve smile at the request – a real smile, the one that made him melt, and that he would do anything to see again. “And if you think your quirks scare people off, sweetheart you might have met your match. But really, there is nothing I’ve seen or heard yet that made me want to run. Quite the contrary.

“You are right though that me being the public figure I am will factor into this, but I don't want it to dictate our relationship either. So yeah, for now this needs to stay quiet, but please know that it isn’t because of you. I am not ashamed of you; I’m trying to protect you. Us, really. I just want us to figure each other out before everyone else imposes themselves on us, you know? I want to make sure we know each other, and things are as solid as they can be, before the press tries to destroy us. I know that sounds horrible, but they can be vicious. The hell they put Pepper through, and she is my assistant! I don’t want them to be the reason we don't last.”

“That – all of it – sounds really good,” Steve answered, visibly more relaxed now. Tony got up and rounded the corner to finally get his arms around Steve, pulling him as tight as he could, his fingers gently going up to massage his scalp.

“You look exhausted,” Tony said, voice low and gentle in Steve's ear. “And I think we both had a really long afternoon, so how about we go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, then go to bed early and snuggle some more – no funny business tonight, just sleeping – and we can start fresh tomorrow. I’ll take you out for breakfast and we can do whatever you want after that, yeah?”

“That sounds perfect,” Steve pulled back just enough to reach Tony's lips, giving him a soft, sweet kiss. “Thanks for coming over. And for bringing food.”

“Anytime, gorgeous,” Tony ended the embrace and instead grabbed both Steve's hands in his and looked at him with amusement. “Steve. Will you do me the honour of dating me exclusively, please?”

Steve burst out laughing. “It would be my honour.”


End file.
